just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
