So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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