We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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