Umm I'm too high to move.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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