He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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