also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
