Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
