I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
