is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
