I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
