Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
