I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
