that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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