Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
