That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
