I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
