we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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