I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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