I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
