I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
