My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
