Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
