well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
