I'm retarded. Again.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.