Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
