it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"