I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
