Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
