the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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