dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
