that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
