i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
