I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
