I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
