After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
