last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
