I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
