Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
