Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
