Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
