Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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