you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
