i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
