I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
