after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
