A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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