finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
