my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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