So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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