I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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