Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
