There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
