I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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