There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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