i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
