She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
