i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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