if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
