Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
