Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
