I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
