Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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