Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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