NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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