im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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