Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
