I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Holy shit dude........stairs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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