im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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