I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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