Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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