if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
