I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
