Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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