He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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