dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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