sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"