Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp

Replies (140) Good night (1203) Bad night (12805)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife

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(828): the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife http://tfl.nu/ib00

Replies (67) Good night (8095) Bad night (2399)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?

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(267): how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch? http://tfl.nu/7fe5

Replies (16) Good night (5211) Bad night (1231)
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(574): View more from Indiana

Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..

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(574): Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called.. http://tfl.nu/0u89

Replies (13) Good night (1151) Bad night (3421)
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(214): View more from Texas

We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.

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(214): We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog. http://tfl.nu/53ei

Replies (6) Good night (1084) Bad night (3004)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.

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(732): I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time. http://tfl.nu/5sl5

Replies (7) Good night (5461) Bad night (1243)
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(631): View more from New York

I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.

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(631): I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/oodk

Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (2454)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"

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(215): "The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match" http://tfl.nu/jczj

Replies (11) Good night (2095) Bad night (1210)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home

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(318): Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home http://tfl.nu/q30x

Replies (1) Good night (1314) Bad night (591)
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(209): View more from California

Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....

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(209): Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage.... http://tfl.nu/5in8

Replies (2) Good night (893) Bad night (497)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.

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(248): Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos. http://tfl.nu/iyzz

Replies (4) Good night (1800) Bad night (577)
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(407): View more from Florida

I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.

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(407): I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'. http://tfl.nu/3npe

Replies (2) Good night (1614) Bad night (907)
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(713): View more from Texas

I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.

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(713): I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it. http://tfl.nu/p4p1

Replies (9) Good night (1551) Bad night (615)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!

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(337): And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir! http://tfl.nu/0uwq

Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (402)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.

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(413): This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball. http://tfl.nu/g6x7

Replies (2) Good night (550) Bad night (180)

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