Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.

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  (702): He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out. http://tfl.nu/lsxk
  Replies (18) Good night (3405) Bad night (1753)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

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  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8513) Bad night (733)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

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  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (35) Good night (15359) Bad night (1458)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.

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  (301): Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd. http://tfl.nu/3wwu
  Replies (20) Good night (6191) Bad night (1152)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day

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  (314): I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day http://tfl.nu/ayjg
  Replies (6) Good night (3013) Bad night (1233)
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  (415): View more from California

  SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!

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  (415): SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT! http://tfl.nu/38ig
  Replies (26) Good night (4471) Bad night (1062)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers

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  (225): She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers http://tfl.nu/m8b0
  Replies (9) Good night (830) Bad night (1852)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight

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  (905): I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight http://tfl.nu/g5pa
  Replies (2) Good night (1577) Bad night (804)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...

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  (412): New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move... http://tfl.nu/y03w
  Replies (12) Good night (3254) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.

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  (518): They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me. (1-518): Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props. http://tfl.nu/pv50
  Replies (5) Good night (2368) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?

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  (860): How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"? http://tfl.nu/cbsf
  Replies (9) Good night (971) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns

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  (704): I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/dxob
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  What am I doing with my life

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.

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  (724): What am I doing with my life (1-724): Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently. http://tfl.nu/ll9w
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica

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  (928): So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica http://tfl.nu/ah6v
  Replies (2) Good night (393) Bad night (242)

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