i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.