So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
