sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize