Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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