Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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