what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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