I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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