hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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